I finally got internet again after moving from my old apartment complex to my super sweet second floor apartment. I now live in a very nice old place with a lot of character. And also a cemetery about 1 mile away that is easy to walk to.
So I walked to it today because it was so nice outside, cool and sunny. It is a large cemetery, at least large to me. I haven't gone around comparing cemetery sizes too much. But there were people born in the 1770's and people born in 1980's. There were babies who lived only two days and old persons who lived to nearly 100. There were also many tombstones of various kinds. Large, small, ornate, rough. Some of the newer ones had pictures on them. And some of the older ones had various vegetation carved on them.
But all the larger stones cost so much money. So why would you spend so much money on your tombstone? So you wouldn't be forgotten? But I don't know your names from anywhere. You are all dead. And the things you said and did are so long ago. And all the times you came home for dinner, and the times you brushed your teeth (or not), and the desserts you ate...no one cares anymore. So then why do I care? Do these things matter? What you did doesn't seem to have any effect on me. But maybe they do. I just am unaware of it. But after all, you did live, and love, and laugh, and have thoughts, and helped people. And although I don't know your names, God does. So somewhere you are all worked into his great dance. I just have such a small piece of it, I can't see the whole. So I will stop trying. It is too tiring and frustrating to be always trying to see what I cannot. And I will look at your tombstones and think that maybe your lives were good ones and now you are in peace and able to see things as I cannot. And you can see how your lives meant something even though I cannot.
Thus, I shall no longer run around in circles in my head wondering what point the little things I do every day mean. Perhaps I shall eat brownies for dessert. Or ice-cream. Or both...